Forgiveness is essential more to the aggrieved than the aggressor, for it brings inner healing; forgetting is foolish if it leads one vulnerable to further harm.
One can forgive and move on, forgive yet make a new life, forgive yet cut the one whom harmed you from your present and future.
I always found forgiving myself so impossible, and so created my own emotional scars. Yet I want others to forgive themselves, to make amends and heal, and so I learned how to forgive myself. I had to earn it until I was satisfied I'd paid it all back in goodness many times over. After that I could love myself and love others; I could be a blessing to myself and others.
Forgiveness and judgement are the twin redundant attitudes of an age that consistently fails to develop the kind of creative problem solving skills that leads to real comprehension of issues and preventative solutions.
Of you enemies, of those you have cast themselves as adversaries, steadfast in their coldness, contempt and hate - pray for them with the deepest of love. Pray that they find what inner peace is, for with inner peace there is no hate. Pray that they come to know the depths of their humanity, for then contempt melts as snow under a warm sun. Pray that bathed in that sunlight their hearts beat anew and they feel as children once more. We are not born to judge but to love, to live that love in our deeds and creeds, to be healers with our natural talents, with the simplicity of a smile, a hug. Grace is a softness of spirit, a gentle nature, an openness of the soul and humility. Be grace, be forgiveness, be the warmth in the cold. And in this way of being your mind will be free, your soul light and your heart strong.
Forgiveness is a letting go of all negative emotions and memories, it is moving on with whatever positives remain. If nothing remains, then the relationship was all negative - abusive, even if invisibly so. For many years I had punished myself, feeling that if I forgave more fully then love would blossom; yet in truth it had never been there at all. The guilt of failure, the weight of accusing tongues, took me into a living nightmare - and my mind conjured them as grotesque bodies under ice. Yet when I learned what forgiveness is, there was nothing but water under my ice, everything was crystal clear. I had loved them, yet they had never loved me. Forgiveness brings the liberty to love again, to heal the heart, soul and mind. It is the chance to begin anew with only positivity and break the shackles of conformity. I understand why they acted as they did; I release all negative emotions associated with them; I am renewed.
Forgive me that my love is too strong,
Forgive me that I cannot contain it,
Forgive me that I ask too much,
Not with my mouth,
But with my eyes and my heart.
Forgive me that I cannot break it,
Forgive me that I tried,
Forgive me for walking away,
Over and over and over,
Not with my legs,
But with my mind in chains.
Forgive that I stay,
Forgive the weakness under my strength,
Forgive that I promise, fail and return,
Each time with my heart in your pocket,
But with eyes cast to the floor.
Love is the most beautiful of traps,
The most delicate of prisons,
Walls of petals and sweet words,
Of gentle touch and soulful eyes,
Yet is is my honour to remain within.
If your guilt tears at your heart, rips at your insides, you are already forgiven. Come sit and belong.
Forgiveness comes in three stages for me, though the second is perhaps closer to the notion of redemption. The first is a forgiveness so complete that no bitterness remains, it frees the person wronged and has little to do with the one who erred. For the second stage the wrong doer must understand what they did, be truly sorry and take steps to make amends, steps to ensure they don't repeat the negative action. If they do that then the second phase of forgiveness can happen, the phase when the relationship and love is restored to what it was before, or perhaps to something deeper. It's only after this redemptive phase that it is appropriate for the wrong doer to forgive themselves (this is the third phase) any time before that and the opportunity for personal growth is lost.
When the guilt comes again to haunt me I take in a breath. After all this time it still cuts just as deep, but its visits are less frequent and softer in duration. I remind myself that whilst I cannot undo my misdeeds, I dedicate my life to walking in the light. I tell myself that even though I can never forgive myself, that in God's eyes the slate is clean. I don't need to make amends anymore, but I have sworn to walk His path, to do what He needs me to do. If He can help others though me, then I am his willing conduit. The glory is not mine, but His.
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