"I'm forever attempting to broker peace where there is war," says Sheila, "and here is all I can offer on gender identity. It is so very personal. It is an inner lived reality that we wish for others to accept and affirm so that we feel safe and loved. So I dug deep within, beneath a few decades of conditioning, to find what was my own truth. You may not like it, but it is my reality and it could be the same for others. I am a biological woman and I've always been happy to be so. I love feminity. I love girl-power. I loved becoming a mother. However, had I been born male I would have loved being a man, perhaps becoming a father. I've had dreams of being in a male body and it was alright, no issues at all. So I believe I'd have been happy born as either biological gender, but I'm not gender neutral or non-binary, I am a woman and a feminine woman at that. If I were denied my ability to take my gender identity from my body I'd feel like a sexual-switzerland, a no-man's land. Many of us do not equate biology with gender and I'm down with that, live your truth... but for a person such as me my female biology has shaped my life and given me my gender identity, my passions, my rich experiences of girlhood and womanhood. My monthy cycle changes my emotions, my energy levels and my appetite. My view into a patriachal the world is as a woman. I can't escape what I was born to be and I don't want to. I accept that others can't escape their gender-destiny either, and hopefully, don't want to. To embrace who you are brings inner peace and self acceptance, a thing vital for total health. Can we accept that humans are divergent? Can we accept that my experiences aren't yours and vice versa? Because as you need your truth understood and confirmed, so do I. Then we can stand as feminists together, all kinds of woman and man, with a story of mutual respect and affirmation."
If biology teachers everywhere had done their jobs right (I include myself in that)... there would be no gender identity war... and here's why.
Firstly, there are no personality traits exclusive to biological males or females, only clusters that are more common than others in each. This means that there is no definition of a male or female personality that makes any sense. As such "feminine" and "masculine" are largely social constructs that can be fun but also harm both biological genders. It harms bio males through the shutting down of emotional pathways. It harms bio females via misogyny and its various methods of suppression. Essentially our neurological development is harmed and that harms our biological and societal health.
Secondly, we need to understand testosterone. It is not a hormone of aggression, but amplification. A woman can get angry, a man with testosterone gets ANGRY. But this also works for love, nurture and every good emotion. Thus let us see that the shutting down of emotional pathways for the sake of "masculinity" in testosterone enhanced humans is stupidity. How can we expect them to control themselves when they the mechanisms they would need to do so have been culturally suppressed?
So, there are clusters of traits more common in biological males and in biological females but because of how gametes are formed (meiosis) the traits are remixed for every individual. We are all unique. Thus there cannot be any definition of masculine or feminine beyond vague clusters of traits. Again, we are talking about the intersection of genes and environment.
When we separate personality traits from biological gender, when we accept that anyone can have any random cluster of traits, we start to undo a great number of social harms to humans who are born XY and humans who are born XX. Yet, also, it takes a mature brain to understand all this, so for children we say "boy" and "girl" and the rest is shown in how we show we love them for whomever they are.
If identity is a hallucination, then gender identity is the same (for everyone). This is why culture seeks to teach each gender who they are and give them a positive sense of self. Until the brain has reached a level of maturity, gender identity is more external to internal than the reverse. Thus while the adult can freely choose their gender identity, the child needs theirs positively confirmed until they reach true maturity.
If we let gender expand beyond the binary of male and female we can solve a lot of issues. For instance, we can have male-male, male-female, neutral, female-male, and female-female. What these allow for is to show more the balance of the person and how they identify. We can add into this trans-female and trans-male, thus seven gender identities. Thus instead of a "territory fight" over words, we make more that feel good, let folks choose and support one another. That said, because of the way human brains develop, it is important for the words "male" and "female" with their traditional definitions to remain dominant in media, stories and society (with extra options giving room for personal development from puberty onwards). Otherwise we run the risk of developing a confusing world for our children instead of one that helps them develop optimally. With kids - keep things simple - keep the adult world to the adults. When they are ready to grow up they can give up Santa and gain a more interesting adult world that will support them whatever their gender identity.
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