You keep asking this tired horse to run to check if it can rest. That's how dumb this is.
I am tired, and please keep in your thoughts that the brain is a physical organ. You wouldn't make a kidney work harder to check it's functioning, that would be considered terrible medicine, yet that is exactly what you do to my head with all these questions.
I am tired. Brains run on sugar. Perhaps try a little sweetness in our conversations and I may last longer.
When I'm tired but my brain keeps on going as if it were on some Olympian over thinking sprint, I use that energy for creativity until my head is ready enter the world of dreams.
"If you're making decisions while tired, you're basically 'drunk driving' your life. So sleep, rest and decide nothing until you feel okay. That's really the best advice I can give you."
There's a certain level of tiredness that equates to insanity; for me it's when I'd like to temporarily dislocate my spirit from my body, as if I could ask God to take me out for just a short while, let my soul go wherever souls go to be zen. I'm a fairly brave person, I am, but sometimes I just don't wanna feel the process of recovery all over again. I know I'll wake up feeling okay in the morning, it's simply a level of worn-out-ness that hurts.
Shutter the windows and calm the dog, let the candle flames extinguish, for the sleepiness has arrived as the most inviting of blankets. Let the clocks move their hands no more, so I may float into these forever dreams. And let me rest in such blessed quiet until such a time as the sun is high in the sky and it would be so rude to sleep rather than see its beauty.
My brain is on five percent battery, so if y'all don't mind, I'm gonna take some time to rest and soak in the calm peace of nature. This stuff, this caring, is vast yet finite, freely given yet at a cost to me... and I'm tired... so very, very, tired.
There are days the tiredness comes in both forms, physical and mental. My body needs to rest yet my mind needs it to move, to burn the anxiety right out. Without exercise my mind will keep me up all night long, without rest my body will spiral into exhaustion. I once thought my old man weak for falling into the grog like he did, and though I won't go the same way, forgiveness is coming easier than it once did.
There's a kind of tired that needs a good night's sleep, and another that needs so much more. For me, one became the other, starting out as the "one night kind" until one day it was ever present - like it once was a heavy jacket but became heavy bones. It was then I knew that being tired could be a wearing of the emotions too, that it can come together with a tired body, and become an ingrained part of a life that isn't lived, but survived, endured. I wasn't born for that and neither were you. We didn't come to be on a planet of such beauty and abundance to live like this, so drained, stressed, too thin to cope with life's storms and help others with theirs. When is the time for dancing, for play, laughter and long evenings of happy chatter? Because that is the medicine we all need: fun, friendship, good times. Perhaps most people are too tired to think of how to change these busy lives we lead, but me, I can't think of anything I'd rather spend my last ounces of energy on. In fact, hell, I'm willing to go into the red.
"You mistake my calm for a readiness to take on more, to deal with more. Perhaps once it was. Not anymore. Now it is only exhaustion, quiet and subdued, always hoping for a respite from your storms."
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