A toxic relationship transfers a sense of self worth from one person to the other (parasitic); a healthy relationship enables both partners to enhance the sense of self worth of themselves, each other and others around them (symbiotic). In short, the toxic partner seeks to boost their sense of self worth through unearned superiority, likely lacking the skills to find a sense of self worth in other ways. The good partner seeks to bolster and reaffirm the self worth of the other through good supportive behaviours., even at the expense of the self. Only the healthy ecosystem version of relationships is sustainable in the longterm and leads to a healthier society.
The faux-nobility horse is ridden by the asshole when they are asked for anything they don't want to give. It could be a small piece of affection or understanding. It could be assistance, or a chance to rest. It may be a simple expectation of reciprocity expressed. Instead of empathy out comes anger. Yet the clever asshole knows that this is socially inappropriate when they have been asked for something so reasonable. Thus the faux-nobility horse. They will ride out on some accusation that you are morally in the wrong and they are the noble one. They use this notion of guilt or shame as a social weapon. So start seeing it. See when it is used against you... set yourself free.
Imagine all of your memories are upon cards - all of them - the good, the bad and the ugly. Positive people reread the good ones more often, they remind themselves and others of everyone's best traits. The bad or ugly ones they have reflected upon and come to a healthy form of acceptance, one that is both protective of the self and fair to others. Negative people ignore the good memory cards and keep the bad and ugly cards in easy reach. Thus when they are in any combative frame of mind they bring them up quickly and with force, surprising others, wounding others, creating negative emotions in those around them. And this is the power of positive thinking. By choosing your memory cards carefully, by learning how to process and let go of the bad and ugly memory cards, we can change ourselves and our relationships for the better.
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